Save Me, I'm Alone
by MetalMistress1982
Summary: CM Punk and John Cena have slowly become friends thanks to working so closely together,the happiest they could've ever been.When feelings start to change and things get heated, fear of loving again tears them apart both physically and mentally.CMPunk/Cena
1. Chapter 1

_~A/N I do NOT own any of the wrestlers hereby mentioned in this story [I WISH] NOR do I claim rights to any of their names or the WWE. This is purely fictional. But, you already knew that! Song is also NOT mine, it is from the band Dead By April and the song is called Losing You. I recommend listening to it while reading that part! Enjoy! This is my first time publishing here, BUT certainly NOT my first WWE Slash story! ;) WARNINGS: STRONG LANGUAGE AND SLASHY H/J [Also: I know there are misspellings, but I imagine this is how they talk/think! '=thinking]~_

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><p><em>Save Me, I'm Alone: <em>

_I Need To Run From You _

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><p>CM Punk shifted on his locker room bench, fidgety from yet another weird ending to RAW. It wasn't about the whole thing with Kevin Nash returning at Summerslam from seemingly out of nowhere to take him out like an over-aged assassin hired by a corrupt system. No, Punk was cool with that, he was cool with fighting a regimental system that was seemingly hellbent on controlling what he could do or say and even daring to claim that the changes happening within the WWE now were THEIR doing, not his.<p>

Punk huffed out the irritable breath he was holding in and ran his hand through his short cropped hair, slightly mussing it. 'Fuck,' he thought in confusion, 'what's bugging the hell out of me is…how fucking weird Cena's been acting lately. I mean…hell…he should be MAD at me…HATE me. Not…palling around with me and…even letting me join in on his little attackfest on Del Rio and his little Ricky's ass. It's like…he's been WAYYY too happy to be around me lately,hell…he even walked out of the ring WITH me tonight…I wonder…' Punk held his head in his hands, feeling a headache coming on and wondered whether he should go get a Pepsi. It's not as though he hated John, no, what he told John was the truth. He did like him more than any of the other guys in the locker room. He just never thought it'd get returned by John or the possibility that they could even be friends.

Punk sighed out, "I really could use a friend since me and Randal broke up. But…I just never thought…of me and Cena being friends…" Getting up and slinging his bag over his shoulder, he walked towards his door only to hear a soft, almost timid knock. Punk tilted his head in confusion, muttering,"Who the fuck could that be? Thought everyone left already…" Curiosity won out over confusion and he reached out to open the door with an almost shaky hand, blinking in shock as he looked up into the almost shy looking blue eyes of John Cena himself. Punk saw John gulp hard as he muttered, "Hey,man. Um…ya know…meant that in the ring and stuff earlier. Soo…ya know…was kinda cool to have worked with ya so far. So,I mean…I just…don't really want that to just…end like that. Soo…thought maybe…if ya want…we can go chill somewhere,man? Thought it'd be cool to get to know ya, Punk,ya look like you could…use a friend too. I kinda know…what happened with you and…Randy. I mean…he is still my best friend. Soo…I dunno…was just…extendin…the damn hand or…somethin…of…friendship…peace, maybe? Please?"

Punk looked down at John's shoes, wishing John hadn't touched that sore spot of him and Randy's recent brake up and growled out softly, "Cena…pouring salt in my fucking wounds so far does not put much points in my book for you! Also,you being so close to…R…Randal…I…am not so sure…if we can…co-exist as is, Cena. And yes, I know…R…Randal…is on Smackdown now,but…I just…can't…I…" Punk gulped down the tears, not wanting John to see him do this. Punk then stiffened as he felt John give him an actual friendly hug, screwing up his face against the howl of misery that wanted to pour forth from him like a river. He knew he still wasn't over Randy and that he needed some kind of human contact or support. He couldn't hold it in anymore and for once in his life, CM Punk broke down into John Cena's shoulder as the tears silently soaked into the man's bright red shirt.

He felt John's hand rubbing his back softly and rubbed his face more into John's incredible warmth, feeling ridiculously safe now for some warped reason. But, Punk felt the man's warmth start to seep more into him and it made him feel incredibly aroused too. Punk did not want to show that to John though and disgust him, so he pulled away with a low whimper of loss that he hoped to hell John would not hear. John just smiled down at him and murmured low, "There…ya look loads better now, man…glad I could help, Punk. I'll always…ya know…be here for ya…if ya need…the support, man. I know how it feels too,still kinda gettin over Wade here,I know..." He laughed out sardonically, "It was messed up…but hell…he was…good to me…till…that…soo…ya…I feel ya, man…" Punk nodded and cleared his throat, hoping he wouldn't show his burning desire through his voice,"Yes,well…I never really…understood that myself, Cena. But, I can see where you…are coming from. Th…thank you…look…can we just…go? I am…quite tired…" John once again looked down at him with those sparkling blue eyes and Punk had to hold down his over active libido, knowing friends did not just randomly fuck at the drop of a hat.

John chuckled out, "Ya…sure,man! Ya do look kinda beat…how bout we just have a quick dinner somewhere? Then…I dunno…go back to our rooms to chill, I guess, 'nother long day for me tomorrow…" Punk sighed out, "Don't I know it, Cena…don't I know it. Look…I…don't know what to do with…my car. It IS a rental…should I just…leave it here? Or…we…?" John laughed again, which made Punk somewhat smile almost genuinely, "Ah, who cares, Punker! Ya can ride with me if ya want,seems kinda dumb to take two cars to the same place. I can take ya back to your car in the mornin or if ya want,I can take it back for ya? Two trips aint worth it, man! Who's gonna miss it?" Punk chuckled gravely as he handed his keys over to John,"Very well, Cena…for once…you are actually making sense! Let us leave then, soo lead the way, Superman…heh…" He heard John chuckle again as John's hand now rubbed his lower back, making Punk's spine tingle with an unfamiliar electricity as he actually had to choke down a low moan this time,"Ha…whatever, Punker! Keep up with me then, Batman…ha.." Punk let out his own low chuckle again at John's light hearted joke, feeling a warped kinship with John Cena already.

Punk fidgeted yet again in John's car, wishing he at least had his Rubik's cube to play with. But, it was secure with his bag in John's trunk. But, Punk was very nervous and he had no idea why, he was comfortable with John but at the same time, very anxious. He stole a sideways glance at John's profile as he drove,his face set with concentration. Punk sighed internally in longing without knowing why,'no doubt about one thing, he is incredibly attractive to me…and I…want…to at least…know…what he feels like…I…have not had that…in months…' But, Punk did not want to ruin their new friendship by admitting to John that he had needs that were aching to be met. Plus, he feared John would think it was merely sympathy sex or worse, that he was using his friendship for nothing more than a quickie.

John suddenly whipped his head at him as he stopped at a red light and looked him over carefully, intoning softly in concern,"Hey…Punker…ya look kinda pale…ya ok, man? Come on, man…let's start this right! Ya can be honest and tell me anything...I won't get mad, man. I know ya have the knack for bein brutally honest. But now…you're hidin from me, man. S'ok,Punker…tell me…"

Punk gulped and whimpered low, hating showing weakness but knew somehow that John would not ridicule him, "Oh…C…John…I just…was…kind of looking…and could not help…but think…what it would be like…to…have you take…I mean…I was cur…no…I…just…can't…I want…no…I need…John…I…I…need…you. I…I am sorry…there…I fucking said it…happy now?" John chuckled softly and murmured low,"Punker. Hey…come on, man…nothin wrong with askin for a little…ya know…affection,man! Shit…just because we're friends don't mean we can't have sex. I mean…damn…I haven't either since Wade left me. Soo…I see nothin wrong with…ya know…havin a good night out together,man It don't have to mean nothin outside of bein friends if we're not…ready for that. Geez,Punker…ya don't need to be so shy or scared around me,ha…"

Punk put his head down and was startled as he saw John's hand lay itself on his thigh. Punk's breath quickened as he heard John murmur huskily,"Hm…have to warn ya though,Punker. Maybe ya know this by now…but I tend to be a tease soo…just gonna have to live with that. Besides…I kinda wanna hear ya,baby…" Punk quaked as John's hand crept closer to his aching hard-on and he could no longer hold it in,moaning out low at John's somewhat endearment,finally getting his wish of being touched intimately fulfilled,"Ohh…John…please…you…fucking…tease…ohh…" He heard John murmur out again,"huh,ya know…I like that,Punker. Hold that thought though…I got this,baby…" Punk was confused as John turned into a Chili's restaurant,but parked in a dark parking area.

Punk couldn't process any more though as John made quick work of his jeans button and tenderly withdrew his aching cock. Punk cried out at the sensation,instinctively bucking up into John's hand,"OHH! John! John! Please…ohh…please…touch me…please…fuck…" John murmured low in hunger,"Damn,Punker…ya really did need me,huh? Don't worry…I got ya…Imma make ya cum,Punker…ya want that,baby? Hm?" Punk threw his head back against the seat and whimpered out in urgency at John's words,growing more harder,"Y…yes,John…ohh…please…make me fucking cum…god…please…I…need you…John,please…" John murmured huskily,licking along Punk's earlobe,"God…ya…I will,Punker…I'm here…come on,baby…moan for me…let it out,man…"

Punk moaned out louder as John's hand started stroking his length fast and hard,"John! John! Oh,god! Oh,god! Feels…so…good…fuck…yes…more…please!" Punk quaked hard as he felt his orgasm approaching,knowing John's talented hand was making quick work of him. Plus the added fact that he was already so aroused probably helped as he bucked up into John's hand faster,wishing John really was fucking him. In a moment of crazed ecstasy,Punk never realized he actually did scream out loudly in urgency for John as he was bucking up faster into his hand,"John! John! Ohh! Ohh! Please, I…want you…inside me…so fucking bad…please…I…want you…so bad…please…ohh! Ohh! John…fuck me hard…now...please! Ohh,god! John…John…JOHN!" Not realizing what he confessed as he orgasmed hard, he simply laid his head back against the seat.

He shivered as he felt John tenderly tuck his spent cock back into his jeans and felt his breath on his ear,"Hm…wow,Punker…you're a loud one. I wonder if you meant that. Cause if ya did,man…I'd be happy to oblige later,Punker! Want ya too…so bad now…but…ya…we'll worry bout me later. Come on,Punker…let's get you fed now that you're all nice and satisfied…hm?" Punk blinked his eyes open,shock flooding his system as his brain processed that he had just received the best ever hand job from none other than John Cena himself,who he had also deemed his somewhat new best friend.

Still stunned, Punk did the only thing he could and it was purely by instinct,turning to give John a shy kiss on the cheek in thanks before scrambling out of the car. Cursing at himself under his breath, he banged his head on the window frame of the car over and over,"you idiot fool! What the fuck is wrong with you? One simple sexual favor from your new best friend and all of a sudden you melt like a pathetic teenybopper lil girl! Get a hold of yourself,Punk! It meant nothing!"

Still banging his head hard,he nearly screamed out loud as he felt a pair of warm arms drape themselves almost lazily around his shoulders along with the low murmur of John's voice in his ear,"Punker…the hell ya doin to yourself? S'ok,man…it was just a kiss…nothin to kill yourself over! Heh…I'd call it a thank you kiss,buuut…it really wasn't,Punker…ya know?" He shook slightly in mixed emotion as John gently turned him around and tipped his head up. Punk only had two seconds to glance up at blue eyes smoldering with what he swore was pure desire before John claimed his lips in the most deepest, hardest kiss he had ever received in his life. Punk's brain seemed to freeze again then catch on fire as he felt John press his body closer into his,John's own arousal was evident. Punk wanted to cry out again,but his mouth was sealed against John's and their tongues were currently in a battle for dominance with Punk only able to whimper for John low in his throat.

Without warning, however, John suddenly pulled away from the kiss and nearly made Punk collapse with how weak he had gotten. Punk quietly gasped for breath as John rested his forehead against his and breathed out huskily,"now THAT…is a thank you kiss,Punker! Heh…just...remember that,baby…k? Heh…might turn things in your favor next time if you know what I mean,man." Punk blinked,brain still trying to process whether or not John just gave him a hint as to what kind of kiss turned him on and how he could use that to his advantage later.

Still confused over John's actions though, Punk looked up at him and murmured low,"O…oh…I see,John. I um…was not aware of that. I've…never…well…I mean…I am still not used to being…kissed like that nor…kissing someone…like that…" John's eyes softened just a bit and Punk shivered as John gently traced his cheek with his fingers,"Punker…I know,man. it's been awhile for us both. Um…hey,ya know…if ya want…I can try that again,just…not so damn forceful…ya know? I just…damn,man…sor…" Punk knew an apology was about to come forth and for some reason this irked him to no end,because he knew his best friend had nothing to apologize for.

Punk breathed out and leaned up to take charge,brushing his lips up softly against John's in a tender,slow kiss to silence him while throwing his arms around John's neck. Punk knew he was pushing it as he heard John's low moan as John's hands traveled to his hips to pull him into his groin to grind Punk hard against him while deepening the kiss. Punk whimpered low in his throat for John again and resisted the urge to buck up into John,wanting so bad for John to take him right now. John finally pulled back slightly enough to gasp out sharply,"godDAMN,Punker! Now THAT'S a kiss,baby…wow! Hell,man…wanna just bend ya over this damn car right now…ha…see what ya started? Heh…" Punk swallowed hard and barely managed to choke out,"J…John…please…I would…gladly do…that. However…I do NOT do public performances! I…I…just…wanted…another kiss...oh,John…it's all my fault it got out of control like this! I'm just…going to walk back to the hotel,this will not work. I am not worth all this,goodbye…my John…"

Before John could react and catch him, not realizing that all of his stuff was still in John's car,Punk turned to start running as fast as he could away from John as the tears once again poured down his face.

Punk stopped to breathe heavily once he knew he had put a good mile between him and John, knowing he had yet to see any car headlights coming from where he had ran from. Punk shivered and gathered his hoodie closer around him, cursing the weather as he felt the wind pick up,"fucking hell! Figures I would get caught in the goddamn rain,of course…think,CM Punk…this is your life! It's one big middle finger pointed directly at YOU!" Punk looked around for somewhere to get out of the impending rainstorm but only saw trees and knew you should never take cover under trees in a storm. Punk put a hand to his head, aware he was getting dizzy as he had yet to eat or drink anything today and knew running that mile probably did not help. Punk whimpered out in distress and panic,"godfuckingdamnit…I've got to find somewhere to hide from this storm or run farther before John finds me…even if I have to fucking pass out there…" Punk wiped the tears of distress off his face,not knowing exactly WHY he ran away from John as he just felt he pushed his limits too much with him and did not deserve him as a friend of any kind. Punk sniffled and coughed out,"better I be alone than cause…others…emotional suffering. I shall suffer on my own! Well,I better keep going…it's starting to fucking rain…"

Punk started running as fast as he could again,a song starting to play in his head as the cold rain started pouring onto him as he got dizzier and dizzier,still crying hard,

_What I have in me,_

_in my mind is you_

_(I would die if we were through)_

_What I'm feeling now,_

_what I'm heading into_

_(I am lost in pain without you)_

_(So cold, so alone)_

_All I have is you_

_It is all that I'm breathing for_

_All I need is you_

_(Now I can't make it through)_

_All the nights I've prayed,_

_must this all be untrue?_

_(I am unprepared to be strong)_

_I just can't believe_

_I am losing you_

_(Unprepared to carry on)_

_(I can't see you walk away)_

_(So cold, so alone)_

_All I have is you_

_It is all that I'm breathing for_

_All I need is you_

_(Now I can't make it through)_

_I am losing you forever_

_(I am lost in pain without you)_

_I am leaving ground forever (Forever, forever)_

_(Distant, so far, destiny is selecting me)_

_(I can't be strong, life is disconnecting me)_

_(Now)_

_(Loneliness infecting me)_

_(Gone are the days you were there protecting me)_

_(So cold, so alone)_

_All I have is you_

_It is all that I'm breathing for_

_All I need is you_

_(Now I can't make it through)_

_I am losing you forever_

_(I am lost in pain without you)_

_I am leaving ground forever (Forever)_

_All I have is you_

_(It is all that I'm breathing for)_

_All I need is you_

_(Now I can't make it through)_

_It is all that I'm breathing for _

_(breathing for, breathing for), _

_(breathing for, breathing for, breathing for)_

Punk thought he saw the town lights reappear,but his vision was so blurry and distorted that he did not know what he was seeing. He freaked as he saw headlights approach him from behind though and swerved in his running to try to avoid being caught in them,afraid that it was John Cena. He was so weak,dizzy and chilled that he could not handle the spin that he did to avoid the headlights,immediately collapsing face-first to the cold wet ground in a heap. The last thing he saw in his mind's eye before he went unconscious was John Cena's brilliant blue eyes smoldering with desire before he kissed him.


	2. Chapter 2

~_A/N: Now we're getting into John's POV here, sorry it is so short, but I wanted this chapter to be purely centered around John and HIS feelings! A lot of medical jargon combined with angst makes good drama, I think! HA! Get tissues ready, saps! :)~_

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><p><em>Save Me, I'm Alone:<em>

_To Keep Your Heart Safe, I Must Sacrifice...My Own  
><em>

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><p>John Cena raced down the road in his car in a panic,shining his hi-beams in a feeble attempt to find his best friend before he caught his death out here in this rainstorm. John cursed out loud as he saw no signs of Punk so far along the side of the dark road,"Damn it! What happened to him? Why'd he run away from me? He didn't do anything wrong…if anything…it was my damn fault! I shouldn't have pushed him cause of my damn libido,hell…I hope he's ok. He shouldn't be runnin out in this shit,specially since he hasn't eaten anything…damnit! WHOA,SHIT!" John nearly had a heart attack as he saw someone or something suddenly appear in his headlights for a fraction of a second before it seemed to spin out of the way to collapse in a heap off the far side of the road. John stomped on the brake,making skid-marks and hoped to hell he did not just hit something. John got out of the car to inspect the damage or at least see if he hit an animal and his heart nearly broke as he saw that it was Punk that had collapsed into unconsciousness on the ground,looking deathly pale.<p>

John sniffled as he knelt down next to Punk and turned him over to feel his forehead,which was burning up,"damn it,Punker…what did ya do to yourself? Ya ran till ya passed out...or until I apparently scared the holy hell outta ya,shit…what am I gonna do? Ya caught a hell of a chill from bein out here…not to mention ya never ate…" He tried desperately to shake Punk gently,"Punker…please…wake up,man…come on…" But he got no response and John ran his hand through his short hair,panicking now,"shit…guess I got no choice but to take him to a hospital. I can't take care of him like this! I'll just tell em that he's straight edge soo no impairing or narcotic drugs. I dunno how they can work with that,but I aint leavin his side…that's for sure." Picking up Punk and cradling him almost tenderly in his arms,John looked down into his deathly pale face,whispering while gently giving his burning forehead a kiss,"I'm sorry,Punker. I shouldn't have pushed ya so much. I just…wanted ya so bad,I just…ya made me happy,man. You're fun and cool to hang with,it just…shouldn't have gone to sex so fast…goddamnit…." He managed to open the backdoor while still holding Punk tightly in his arms and carefully slid Punk's unconscious body into the backseat,gently buckling him in the best he could in a laying down position.

Closing the door softly so as not to jostle Punk,John looked up into the sky as the rain fell upon his face to mingle seamlessly with the tears that he was unaware were running down his face. Biting his lip hard in anxiety,John got into his car and re-revved it to speed off to the nearest hospital,praying to whatever god who happened to be listening that Punk was not seriously sick.

John again screeched to a stop, this time in front of the emergency room entrance of Scripps Mercy hospital and practically jumped out of his car while tossing his keys to the approaching parking valet. Trying to calm his breathing, he opened the back door of the car and tenderly gathered Punk's still unconscious body into his arms. Putting his cheek to Punk's forehead, John was frightened as he was still burning up with fever and was still deathly pale as well.

John carefully carried Punk through the automatic doors and called out hoarsely,"HELP! Please! My...friend...he...he's not waking up! Please! HELP ME!" A couple of doctors came rushing down the hall,one of them pushing a gurney while a nurse came up to his side,"Sir,please...can you tell me your boyfriend's name? It'll be okay,sir!" John had to check a double take and also resist the urge to hold Punk close to him protectively as the doctors tried to pry Punk away from him. One of the doctors told him firmly,"Please,sir. Just lay him down here on the gurney and answer the nurse. We'll take good care of him,promise. You can come as far as the trauma area with him,we need to ask you some other questions as well." John gulped down tears and just let them assume whatever, not wanting to leave his best friend's side. He gave Punk a discreet hug before tenderly laying Punk's limp body onto the gurney. He then turned to the nurse and took a deep breath to murmur out shakily,"Oh...uh...his...name...his name is...Phillip Jack Brooks. Um...his other...ID stuff...it's in my car trunk with our stuff. Soo...ya...someone...needs to get that..."

John put a hand to his head,exhausted and worried all to hell,startled when the doctor took the chart from the nurse as he beckoned John to him. John sighed and walked with the doctor beside where they were working on Punk,looking to make sure they weren't doing anything to violate Punk's straight edge beliefs. John stammered out as he saw them start to pull out IV lines,"D...Doc...he...he won't take drugs. He's straight edge...please...no painkillers...no narcotics. Besides,I need to...want to know what's wrong with him..." The doctor turned to him with a soft smile,"Alright sir, we shall see to that request to respect his beliefs and your name,sir?" John gulped, hoping this wouldn't make wind of the media, seeing as they were assuming him and Punk were dating,"Oh...um...John...John Cena..." The doctor smiled,"No kidding? Big fan of yours, Mr. Cena...anyways,what we have assessed on Mr. Brooks so far is that the lack of nutrition in his system along with exposure to the weather seems to have rendered his immune system very weak due to moderate hypothermia,therefore we will need to run more tests on him. However, our preliminary diagnosis for now,we believe,due to his chest X-Rays,it might be the first stages of Bacterial Pneumonia...but,I do not know how he would've caught that so fast..."

John nearly fainted with that news,but it did strike him that Punk seemed out of sorts earlier in the day and looked to be hiding coughs. John spoke up shakily,"He did seem kinda sick...earlier today,Doc. He was...tryin to hide some coughing...from us,never one to call in sick...soo ya..." The doctor frowned at him,"What else happened, Mr. Cena? How did he end up unconscious in the first place?"

John put his head down and murmured out shakily,"it...it was...dumb,we just...had a little...disagreement bout something,right before we were going out to...dinner. And I guess he got pretty...upset with me...and...before I could stop him,he...ran off full speed down the road. I...tried to follow him in my car,but...he got a whole mile ahead of me before I...caught him in my headlights just as he finally passed out...on the side of the road..."

The doctor reached out and patted his shoulder,"It is alright, Mr. Cena. It was not your fault, he was already somewhat sick, so the exertion plus the added factors of both not eating and the moderate hypothermia from being exposed to the cold rain for so long, must've simply exacerbated his illness further than intended, it was possibly at first, nothing more than a mild cold Mr. Brooks had." John looked up at the doctor and sniffled,"So...wh...what's gonna be done and...when can I...see him?" John realized how weak that sounded,but he promised Punk that he wouldn't leave his side and he didn't want Punk waking up to find him gone.

The doctor smiled softly at him and said,"Well, Mr. Cena,as per your request that we respect Mr. Brooks' beliefs,all we will be doing while he remains unconscious is intravenous fluids,warming blankets,a light round of tube-feeding and a strong antibiotic to hopefully head off the suspected pneumonia before it progresses while we finish his blood work. So...why don't we go ahead and walk to his room? He will be admitted here for the time being since he has yet to regain consciousness. And here, the parking valet has graciously grabbed both yours and Mr. Brooks' bags for you as well."

John's heart lifted in joy that he could stay with Punk and softly mumbled while shouldering his and Punk's bags,"Thanks,Doc. I..really don't want him to be alone..." The doctor nodded and looked at John with eyes tinged in concern,asking softly,"Mr. Cena...are you his only...pardon me for...lack of a better term...but...family? Is there no other family members that I can get a hold of to inform them of his illness and that he is here in the hospital?" John turned his head away, only partially knowing Punk's history of problems with his estranged family,especially his alcoholic father,having hardly heard Punk speak of them. Besides, he had no way of contacting Punk's family anyway.

John mumbled out again,"Well,Doc...I um...don't know em too well and besides...he doesn't talk bout em much either. Soo I uh...don't really have a way to get a hold of any of em anyway..." The doctor let loose a sad smile and sighed,shaking his head,"Ah,I see...Well, Mr. Cena,in this case...in lieu of the hospital rule of immediate family only,we will list you as his civil partner so that you may stay with him overnight if you wish..." John resisted the urge to chuckle at the mental image of the looks on everyone's,especially Punk's face,if they could've heard him being called Punk's "civil partner". However, being called that made John's heart feel really weird all of a sudden and he was very uncomfortable with it. He now understood how Punk felt and thought briefly about running away too,but knew he could never abandon his new best friend now.

All he had to do now was avoid getting attached to Punk in more than a platonic way. John sighed internally,'Easier said than done,I just wanna...tap that cute lil ass of his so bad! But I can't now...look what happened cause of me! Maybe if I go out with someone else,it'll take...my mind off of...how bad I...want Punk instead. Yeah...I'll do that...' John gulped down what felt like his heart and coughed out,"Oh...um...yeah. I wanna stay with him...he...he shouldn't be...alone..." The doctor nodded and motioned for him to follow,"Over this way then,Mr. Cena. We'll be taking the elevators to the 3rd floor ICU. In there, he's in Room 4076..."

John felt as though he was looking through the haze of a dream when they were standing in the doorway to Punk's hospital room. The doctor gently shook his shoulder,intoning softly in concern,"Mr. Cena...I must go find the other attending physician who did Mr. Brooks' blood work and see the results before he leaves for the night...will you be alright here?"

John nodded and took a shaky breath,"Y...yeah,Doc...I'm cool. So,um...what do I do when he,ya know,wakes up? Do the nurse call thingy?" The doctor nodded,"Yes,Mr. Cena...you can do that and from there they will page me as I am his primary physician in charge of his care. Dr. Reineir,by the way, so...I shall be on my way then. I trust that Mr. Brooks will be fine under your careful and watchful eye. Goodnight then, Mr. Cena."

Before John could stutter out an answer,the doctor made his way swiftly back down the hallway. John sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily before walking into Punk's room,gently closing the door behind him. Coming past the wall blocking his view of the hospital bed,John pursed his lips against the tears as he saw Punk looking so tiny and fragile in his bed,two tubes giving him both fluids and nourishment. John sat down heavily in the armchair next to his hospital bed and without thinking,took up Punk's limp hand,murmuring brokenly,"Punker...I'm so sorry,man! Ya ended up here cause of me,cause I couldn't keep my damn hands to myself and wound up scarin the hell outta ya by bein so...forceful. But,damn it...ya said...ya said ya needed me,that ya wanted me and...god...I didn't know what ya wanted me to...do to ya! I still don't know...hell...I don't even know...if...I...still...want to..."

John shifted his gaze to Punk's face and remembered how Punk kept staring at him. He quaked slightly as he remembered how flushed Punk's face got when he was pleasuring him,the bright glow of Punk's face combined with how much Punk screamed out in urgent need for him hit John like a ton of bricks with the realization that he had found Punk to be breathtakingly beautiful in that moment of ecstasy.

John gritted his teeth hard and almost dropped Punk's hand as if it just burned him,cursing himself under his breath,"No...NO! Damn it! I...can't do this! I can't...think of him this way...I can't anymore! I don't wanna hurt him anymore...or scare him anymore either! I'm supposed to be...his best friend and he's still gettin over my OWN other best friend! I just...can't take advantage of his vulnerability...that's just damn wrong! He...deserves someone better...not me! Huh...wonder if Evan will...give me another chance...? Maybe then...I can kill these...feelings...for Punk and he...can find a real relationship...a good one."

Always one to sacrifice himself for the sake of others, John started softly crying as he pulled out his cellphone and text messaged his ex-boyfriend,Evan Bourne. John's hands were shaking and he could barely see the screen through his tears as he typed in,"Hey,Evan...it's John...look...just wanted 2 say congrats on ur win & if u wanted 2...chill sometime this week? xo" John quietly choked on his tears as he hit send and waited to see if Evan would reply. Seeing Punk's mp3 player sticking out of his bag,he looked curiously at it as he picked it up ,shoving in the ear buds and listened to a very ominous sounding song while he stared at his phone in detachment,wishing it would disappear.

He cried harder as he opened the new text message which read,"Evan Cell: Hey,Johnny! :) I'd...luv 2! In fact...I could use a date 4 the celebration party Kofi's throwing w/his bf on Wed! xo" John gasped for breath as he just couldn't stop crying,typing back,"Sounds awesome...ya...I'll take u...what time ya want me 2 pick u up...?" Seeing Evan's last text made John want to curl up in the corner and die,not wanting to do this at all,"Evan Cell: Oh,Johnny! Thanx! U can pick me up at my hotel room #509 at 6! Cant wait 2 ... c u again...hope maybe...we can start over...k? Nite,Johnny! LuvU! :D xo "

John suddenly felt sick and did not want to write any kind of sentiment back,numb to everything now. John animatronically typed back in,"Ya...maybe. C ya Wed,Evan...um...nite xo..."

John choked again and shut his phone off, no longer wanting to see any more messages. John then felt his stomach rumble,but he was no longer hungry and again he also did not want to leave Punk alone. Tearing off the ear buds as the song's ending was just making his heart hurt worse,he shut the mp3 player off and placed it carefully on the side-table. Heaving a heavy sigh of resigned sadness,he pulled one of his wristbands out of his pocket and quickly scribbled on the inside of it with permanent marker,as if in answer to his "You Can't See Me" phrase, the words,"I See YOU. In My Dreams. Make Me Go To Sleep. Forever. My Evil Angel." Tucking it deep down where he had found the mp3 player in Punk's bag, he then pulled out of his own bag what looked like just another one of his bright red shirts all bundled up into a ball around something, also tucking a note he had hurriedly scribbled out into it and placed it gently under Punk's pillow beneath his head,only hoping Punk would find these gifts from his heart sooner rather than later as it was the only way John seemed able to voice his longing for Punk to remain being the light of his life without hurting him more.

Then without knowing what in the hell he was doing, he again animatronically reached out and this time,traced his fingers down Punk's cheek. He felt his heart constrict with pain and pulled his hand away,feeling that almost burning sensation again. John curled up more into the chair and sobbed into the side of it,"Damn it,Punker! Wh...what are ya...doin to me? This hurts,man...stop it! I just...wanted to touch ya...while I still could...before...it has to end! I don't...deserve ya like this,my Punker...best I be...unhappy with...someone else...than see ya hurt ever again cause of me,baby..."

Still sobbing quietly,John never realized that he eventually cried himself into a deep sleep and even then the silent tears were still running down his face as he slept,his hand still splayed out next to Punk's limp one.


	3. Chapter 3

_~A/N NOW, we're getting into the good ol' angsty parts...again,more medical jargon and a HEATED heartbreaking confession approaches! Who breaks who down first? And is this really the end for Punk and Cena? Stay tuned...ha...I feel like a soap opera writer. Tissues at the ready? Good! Here we go! [Oh and by the way, the song for this chapter is NOT mine, it is by Slipknot and it is called, "Snuff" I really advise listening to the songs while reading this story...makes more of an impact ;)] NOW...ONWARD to angsty goodness!_

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><p><em>Save Me, I'm Alone:<em>

_Our World Falls Apart...My Heart and Mind Dies For You_

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><p>Punk blinked a few times as brightness overwhelmed his senses and he wiggled a bit,feeling tubes both in his arm and up his nose. He immediately felt the urge to panic, fearing he was being pumped full of drugs. But,he calmed himself and tried to reason rationally,'okay,I can think...so...I am not impaired. I must've been taken to the hospital...but by whom? Who the fuck found me? Am I...all alone...? And with no money...or...any kind of ID,I'm shitfucked...' Still very weak,Punk made an effort to turn his head and was shocked all to hell to see the large form of John Cena curled up in the armchair by his bed,sound asleep.<p>

Punk felt tears gather as he whispered softly,"John...you...you didn't have to...do this for me. I was fucking out of it. You could've just...left me here. You didn't...have to stay,I'm not...your responsibility..." Punk looked closer at John and noticed that his face was red,fresh tear stains tracing his cheeks. Punk's already fragile heart broke even more knowing that he was the reason John probably spent most of the night crying.

Punk felt his own tears start falling as he noticed that now John was shaking and he silently started crying in his sleep,whimpering softly. Punk desperately wanted to wake John up and free him from whatever was freaking him out,but he didn't want to startle him either. Punk looked down to see John's hand laying splayed out close to his own and gently took it up into his own two hands,trying to rub some comfort into John through his hands alone.

Punk blushed hotly though as he rubbed John's hand,remembering how much John pleasured him with just this hand alone. Punk moaned out softly as he remembered how good it felt to have John jack him off and he urgently wanted that again. Punk didn't know what to do though, not wanting to wake John up and freak him out by acting like such a lust ridden whore. Punk had a sick idea on how to improvise on that and while still holding John's hand lightly in one hand,reached under the blankets with his other hand to trace his hard cock under his hospital gown. He gasped out quietly as he felt like he had just gotten electrocuted,"Ohh! Ohh...John...please...touch me...again...please..."

He gripped himself tight and stroked as hard as he could,biting his tongue to keep from crying out loudly for John again. He bucked up into his own hand faster and tried to keep from breathing too fast,whimpering out as soft as a whisper,"John! Ohh...my John...I...want to...cum so hard for you...only you...please...I'm...so close...fuck..." He felt his hand being squeezed and almost panicked to a stop but heard John's low growl of smoldering desire that he knew was meant only for him,"goddamn,Punker...y...you're barely...awake...and...already...you're doin this...for me,for...me. Go on...I...can't...hide this. Mmm,ya...cum hard for me,baby...oh,god...you're so hot..." Punk whimpered low in urgent need for John again and bucked up faster into his hand,feeling John tracing his opposite palm with his fingers,"Ohh! John...John...feels...so...good...but...I...ohh...god...I want...you...please! Ohh...I'm...I'm...going to...ohh...fuck...John...John...John!" Punk felt himself cum harder than he ever had before as he gasped out John's name in pure orgasmic bliss and he felt so wonderful,turning his head to look at John again with an almost adoring smile on his face for once.

John closed his eyes and felt as though he was falling apart,not wanting to see how beautiful Punk looked in afterglow again. Now John again felt like the one that wanted to run away but at the same time,he never wanted to leave Punk's side ever again.

Punk saw as John's face seemed to contort in pain when he looked at him and Punk was scared he did something wrong again,coughing out as he picked up John's sweaty hand to rain shy kisses on his knuckles,"J...John...I...I am...so sorry! That was...wrong of me to do,but I just...saw you...and I...oh,god,John! I am such a whore! I...don't...deserve you...in any way. Please...just...leave me,John...I can't..." Punk stopped and just let the tears flow again,turning his head away.

John didn't know what freak out more over,Punk kissing his knuckles or his choked out words and he was too afraid to show any sentiment back. John felt as though his world would break if he left Punk and that feeling frightened him. But,he did make the promise to himself to not hurt Punk anymore and right now,he was hurting him no matter what he tried to do. John sighed shakily and twined his fingers together with Punk's,"Punker...you're not a whore,man. I think we're both just...confused about what we want...and bout...what we are. But...here's what gonna happen,cause I aint...hurtin ya like this no more..." Little did John know that his next words would actually be what would hurt Punk the most and would shatter Punk's world,mind,heart,and dreams the worst of all,"Punker...I think,we should just...stay best friends. Soo...I'm goin back to Evan,we um...have a date tomorrow. So ya...maybe I could set ya up with...someone better,man...ya?"

Punk kept his head turned as everything in his mind completely broke and he felt his heart turn to ice as it shattered,the pain making him feel suddenly numb. Punk knew he had become attached to John already and despite what he said to him,deep in his hurting heart,he never wanted John to leave him. Punk already knew that he didn't want any one else,he had been through hell with most of the locker room on both brands and most likely John did not know that. 'But,' Punk sobbed out in his head,the only place he felt safe in now,'apparently,he does not want me after all...but...I still want only him...even if he doesn't want me...but...I guess...that's my punishment...guess we're just...not meant to be...'

Punk turned back to John and nodded,unable to speak for fear that he would cry out for John to be with him. Punk thought for a fraction of a second that it would be a good idea to maybe just never talk again and use his illness as an excuse for it. Punk could feel his mind breaking and it scared him because he knew the one person that could fix it was the one that caused it,that didn't want him or need him anymore.

John looked at Punk in concern as Punk turned an awful shade of white as he turned to him and just nodded in silence. John thought that maybe he was just still sick and patted his hand,murmuring in concern,"Punker...ya want me to call the doctor? Think we could both use some food...maybe I can get ya..." Punk growled in angered despair at John's so called "fake" compassion,breaking completely,"...Cena...I am NOT fucking hungry seeing as I have this goddamn TUBE stuck up my fucking NOSE! Go get your own fucking food! ...I'm FINE...I...don't...need you...anymore. Just...leave! Fuck! You've been stuck...in here with me all night. You've paid your...penance..." Punk choked on a sob and turned his head away again,wishing he'd never woken up.

John swallowed hard at Punk's emotional outburst and noted with his heart breaking even more, Punk reverting back into calling him by his last name,wishing he'd never said any of that to Punk now as it just seemed to make him brake down more. John knew this was the end and wished that he could take everything back and start over,claim Punk as his own. But,now everything seemed to have fallen apart around them and John knew there was possibly no way to fix this now. He had just wanted to spare Punk the pain of the way he'd been acting,the way he kept playing Punk was just hurting him when he knew they were just supposed to be friends and that Punk was still healing from his own brake up. But,he saw Punk's body shaking slightly and now wondered if he was just making him worse,afraid to comfort him. 'I'm a chickenshit...'John thought,'all...I wanna do...is just...hold him...in my arms...and just...never let him go...just like the first time I hugged him. But...I lost that too...I...lost my chance...to...ever make love to him...see his face look so...beautiful again...when he cums...for me. I lost...everything. But,I have to...do this...for him. I have to let him go...all I do is...hurt him...all I've done is hurt him...'

Both men were startled when the doctor knocked on the door,"Mr. Cena? Ah,there you are. Oh! And you're awake, Mr. Brooks! Excellent! I have your results and it looks as though the pneumonia was not as bad as we expected it to be,partly thanks to the immediate dose of antibiotics and that we caught it in time as well...in fact...you are well enough to leave today,Mr. Brooks,AFTER you have eaten a decent meal. Now...let's get that tube out of your nose and get you some lunch,ok?" Punk sat up and nodded, not saying a word as the doctor approached him to gently withdraw the tube from his nose. The doctor looked at Punk again,"Mr. Brooks...are you alright? You look awfully pale...I should get your nurse in here to take your vitals. Perhaps another blood work is in order..." John turned his head away from the scene,knowing he was the reason Punk looked sicker than before.

The doctor still looked puzzled as he walked over to pick up the intercom phone to press the nurse call button,"Yes. This is Dr. Reineir...listen...can you send Amber up here to check Mr. Brooks ? Yes,he is awake,but he is presenting with extreme paleness...yes...have her grab the kit for blood withdrawal again...I want him tested for anemia before he leaves today...yes...I think that's all,just the standard vital check as well...he seems fine otherwise...it may be from lack of food...but still...I'll feel better if we check that before we discharge him...thank you,Grace..." The doctor turned and nodded at both men,"Just a precautionary measure,gentlemen. Do you still feel faint or anything, Mr. Brooks?"

Punk did,but he knew it wasn't from his illness and he really did not feel like a trip to the Psych ward today. So,he shook his head and murmured low,not wanting to worry the doctor more by not speaking,"...no...I'm fine." The doctor nodded,"Very well,then...when Amber gets done checking you,she'll hand you a menu for lunch and I should have your blood work done by the time you've finished eating."

As soon as he had said that,a short woman with long curly black hair knocked softly on the door,"Dr. Reineir? I'm here to check Mr. Brooks and do the blood withdrawal you asked for." The doctor nodded and motioned to the bed,"He's right there,Amber and that is Mr. Cena there, his civil partner." Punk nearly choked that they had the audacity to call John that,but then figured that was the only way John could get away with staying with him all night. Punk felt his heart crack more as he knew that this was just nothing but a lie from the start,now beginning to wonder if John even meant any of those touches of affection or if he was just playing him the whole time. Punk barely felt or heard anything around him and only took morbid satisfaction in watching the needle disappear into his skin but felt no pain as she took yet more of his blood. 'Why not?' Punk thought brokenly,'HE took what...was left of my black heart. It is fitting they drain...the blood that once ran through it as well...'

"There! All done, Mr. Brooks! You seem fine...your blood pressure is a bit elevated. But, it's nothing to be too concerned about,Dr. Reineir! Again...I think the poor dear just needs a good meal! Here you go,sweetie,pick anything you want for lunch and when you're done...I'll take it to the cafeteria for you!" Punk looked up at the nurse with wide eyes,no longer hungry,but knew they'd never let him go if he didn't eat. Punk ignored John watching him with a worried look in his eyes and snatched the paper from the nurse to look blankly at the choices as she handed him a pen too. Punk animatronically circled the supreme pizza,broccoli,brownie and a Pepsi. Punk sighed as he handed the paper back up to her,resisting the urge to fling it at her with a snarl of "Take that,you whore!"

Punk watched with a numb body as they both left the room,leaving him alone yet again with just John and Punk again wanted to brake down. Punk ached so bad to the point of feeling an almost inner hatred of wanting John to stop being so self-fucking-righteous and just take him already,claim him as his own. Punk couldn't even look at John anymore now without wanting to moan out in urgency for him again, without wanting to spread his legs out for John in wanton need like he had never felt for anyone before in his life as he felt as though he craved John Cena with every fiber of his being. But,that was all gone from him now and he could never look at John Cena the same way ever again,especially if he was going to move on with Evan Bourne like nothing had ever happened between them.

Punk couldn't take the silence and he no longer wanted to speak anymore,snatching up the remote to turn his TV on to the Cartoon Network. But,he couldn't even take joy when it was showing Justice League and just stared at the TV blankly,making sure the volume was up to drown out the world he no longer wanted to be a part of.

John sighed in sorrow,feeling like a monster as he watched Punk space out over the TV,still white as a sheet and shaking like a leaf caught in a whirlwind. John thought maybe he should leave and live with his punishment,clearing his throat,"...um...look...P...Punker...I...I can leave...if ya want. I just thought...if I...gave ya...some space...I'd stop freaking the hell outta ya. I'm your best friend still,man. I...only want...what's best...for ya and...it aint me...soo...ya..."

Punk growled through clenched teeth and was finally at the edge of whatever was left of his sanity as it cracked completely,now wanting to GTS John into oblivion,"...Cena...shut UP and stop acting like...you know what's fucking best for me! You know NOTHING about me, Cena...NOTHING! You...you...didn't even want to try! Best friend...BULLSHIT, Cena! Do what you want,I have...no control...over you! I...don't..." Punk choked,"n...need you...I...d...don't! I just...goddamn it, Cena...FUCK YOU AND ALL THIS BULLSHIT! GET AWAY FROM ME! I wish I'd NEVER woken up! I wish you'd NEVER come to my fucking locker room! How DARE you play me like THIS! Get...away from me, Cena! I...don't...need..." Punk started sobbing hysterically,"I...d...c...can't need you...anymore! Get the...FUCK out!"

John choked and got up,nodding,making the mistake of trying to bend over to give Punk a kiss on the forehead and got a hard punch to the cheek instead,hearing Punk's heaving sobs. John ignored the pain and still kissed him anyway,knowing he deserved that blow,murmuring low,"Punker...I...deserved that hit...and any more ya wanna deal me. I'll go...cause it's what...ya want. But...ya'll...always be...my best friend...and...a part of me. If ya...ever...need me again...ya know...where...to find me. I...never meant...to play ya. I just...didn't...still don't know...what I want. Soo...ya...take care,man...I'll...never stop thinkin bout ya...baby...later...my Punker..." With that and tears pouring down his bruised face,John turned to walk out of the room and out of the light of his life.

Punk watched as John actually listened to him for once and left the room,crying his own tears. Punk then wondered if he just made the biggest mistake of his life and looked at his side-table,seeing his mp3 player laying there. "Huh..." He muttered,"Was John...listening to this...? But...why? And...wh...what was HE listening to?" Punk picked it up and put the ear buds in,hitting the power button. More tears ran down his face as he recognized the last song that was played and listened to it with his black heart now braking even more than before.

_Bury all your secrets in my skin_

_Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins_

_The air around me still feels like a cage_

_And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again..._

_So if you love me, let me go._

_And run away before I know._

_My heart is just too dark to care._

_I can't destroy what isn't there._

_Deliver me into my fate -_

_If I'm alone I cannot hate_

_I don't deserve to have you..._

_My smile was taken long ago_

_If I can change I hope I never know_

_I still press your letters to my lips_

_And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss_

_I couldn't face a life without your light_

_But all of that was ripped apart..._

_when you refused to fight_

_So save your breath, I will not hear._

_I think I made it very clear._

_You couldn't hate enough to love._

_Is that supposed to be enough?_

_I only wish you weren't my friend._

_Then I could hurt you in the end._

_I never claimed to be a saint..._

_My own was banished long ago_

_It took the death of hope to let you go_

_So break yourself against my stones_

_And spit your pity in my soul_

_You never needed any help_

_You sold me out to save yourself_

_And I won't listen to your shame_

_You ran away - you're all the same_

_Angels lie to keep control..._

_My love was punished long ago_

_If you still care, don't ever let me know_

_If you still care, don't ever let me know..._

Punk ripped out the ear buds and nearly threw his own mp3 player against the wall,but just laid it back on the table again. He laid back in his bed,feeling so alone now and snugged deep into his pillow. He felt something weird bundled under his pillow though and pulled out,to his shock,what looked like a bright red shirt."N...No..." Punk sobbed quietly,"Please...don't tell me...he...did this...no..." Punk noticed something else wrapped up in the shirt and unfolded it to reveal a small Mew Pokemon plush,the only one he was missing in his collection. Punk was still crying as he also pulled out a note from within the bundled up shirt,which read,

_"My Punker...I was gonna give these to ya after we...had gone out to dinner...well...not really the shirt,haha. I just used the one I was wearin at the time cause my cheap ass didn't have time to get wrapping paper. I kinda knew ya liked these damn things and ya know...they are kinda cute! Soo...I liked this one that I found soo...sorry if ya...already had it or whatever. I guess...just...do what ya want with it. I...just snuck em in...when I brought our bags in. Soo...if ya...wanna trash it...or my shirt...then...I'd deserve that. I'd hope that...you'd keep em though...as they're...from my...heart. I'm...sorry...my Punker. If I...could rewind time...I would've never...done any of this to ya,baby. What I did though, I meant it all...and I told ya...when I found ya...passed out...I...I was so scared,baby. I told ya...that...ya made me happy,man! You were fun and cool to hang with! But I guess...I was just too late...I'm not...good enough for ya. So...I'll leave ya free to find one who is...cause ya deserve it,baby. I'll always...be here for ya...as your best friend...my Punker...g'bye.. xo John"_

Punk sobbed out harder,"Goddamn it,John...can't your blind ass see that...I only wanted YOU? You ARE good enough...to ME! Perfect...for ME! Or else I wouldn't have even let you...call me...baby! Now...you're gone...and I don't want...someone else...FUCK!" Punk pulled his gifts into his chest,taking in the scent of John's cologne and just wanted to run after John to cry out to him how much he wanted only him in his life. Punk never realized he cried himself to sleep,clutching his gifts to him as tightly as possible.

Punk was startled awake as the nurse brought him his lunch with a bright chirp of,"Here you are, Mr. Brooks! Oh...and where is your husband?" Punk felt as though he had just been shot in the heart and glared up at the nurse in almost hatred,snarling out in dark tones,"Should it matter to you,whore? Go about your business and leave me to my meal before I fling it in your face and walk out in disgust!" The nurse blinked in shock and nodded as she turned pale,setting his tray down on the side-table as she pulled it up to him,"V...very well, Mr. Brooks. I was just...checking on you,sir. I am sorry if you had...conflict. Perhaps...nevermind. Enjoy your meal, Mr. Brooks..." She turned and seemed to almost flee the room in a hurry. Punk sighed and looked down at his lunch,not wanting to eat at all. Punk picked at his food,even though everything tasted like ash and it just made him feel like throwing up. However,he did chug down the Pepsi and chewed down the brownie with fervor. He slowly got up holding his tray and dumped what he could not eat in the large trash can,feeling like he had his heart stuck in his throat.

Punk sank back into bed,hoping the doctor would not notice that he did not eat again. He just wanted to leave and go back home to Chicago,begin his life of loneliness again. His wish was answered as the doctor walked back in,"Ah, Mr. Brooks! I see you have eaten all your lunch! Excellent! And your test results are back...no anemia present so perhaps you just needed some real food,yes?" Punk nodded and murmured,"Y...yeah...it was good too,Doctor...yeah..." The doctor looked around,"Oh...did Mr. Cena leave already? Hm...I thought perhaps he'd be the one taking you home. You are in no condition to drive yet, Mr. Brooks." Punk checked his temper this time,murmuring softly,"I've...got money for my own way back,Doctor. I've...got to go back to Chicago anyway. That's where I really live,so...yeah...I can afford it so that...I don't have to drive...until I get home..." The doctor looked sad,"Hm...well...shame...he seemed so concerned and scared about what happened to you,Mr. Brooks. Strange that he would just up and leave you like this as he wouldn't even let us take you from him at first. Are you sure you are alright, Mr. Brooks? You don't wish for some additional...?"

Punk held back his tears and barely choked out,"N...no,Doctor. I just...I just want to go home. I can...if I need to...seek that there..." The doctor again looked at him in concern,"very well,Mr. Brooks...let me just get that IV out of you and you can get dressed..." The doctor went over to gently pull the needle out of his arm,which Punk could hardly feel anyway,morbidly half hoping he would bleed more. But,that was quashed as the doctor placed a wrap bandage on the spot,"and the discharge office is on the first floor to your left. Oh...and as per Mr. Cena's insistence while you were unconscious,we did make sure to respect your straight edge beliefs,Mr. Brooks. The only thing you ingested were antibiotics for your pneumonia...that is all." Punk could hardly believe that John took such good care of him and watched over him that closely while he was out,making sure that he came under no harm nor were his beliefs violated. 'And this is how...I paid him back?' Punk thought morosely,'by kicking him out in complete and utter anger and despair? God...I am such a douche...'

The doctor patted his arm,"Well,anyway...wonderful to see you made such a good and speedy recovery as well,Mr. Brooks,quite a fan of your work too. Hate to have had to see that end early if you had been any worse off. I'll let you go about your business,Mr. Brooks and take care of yourself...you might not be so fortunate next time to have such a caring,loving man to find you who did everything he could in his power to make sure you were safe and being taken care of,who never even left your side for one minute,not even to eat. I've never seen such devotion that matched so close to seeming like decades of dedicated marriage...farewell,Mr. Brooks."

The doctor turned to leave the room and Punk was starting to wonder if he was either cursed or if R-Truth was right,everything was a conspiracy. Punk sighed and slowly got up to get dressed,still slightly coughing. "Ugh," he muttered,"need to get fucking cough drops now...great...here I go talking to myself too. Lovely. Might as well get used to it,Punk...you have no friends here now.." No matter how stupid he looked,however,he did not let go of that Mew plush John got him and just held it close to him as if it were a child's security blanket. He also packed John's shirt separately,not wanting it to ever lose John's scent. Wiping his face free of tears one last time as he scanned the room for anything he missed,he then flipped off everything that caused him so much heartbreak and stormed out of the room.

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><p>John laid back in his hotel room bed that late Tuesday night bordering on early Wednesday morning,unable to sleep,even though it was very late and Evan was expecting him to pick him up for that party later today. All John could think about was Punk,the look on his face when he told Punk that he was going back to Evan and John felt as though he had shot Punk right in the heart with how white the man had turned. John felt like a monster when he finally made Punk snap and he got,not only kicked out,but punched in the face as well. John felt along that still tender bruise on his cheek and wondered for a fraction of a second how he was going to explain it to everyone at the party.<p>

John turned over onto his stomach and shuddered out softly,"I don't give a damn...what they think anyway! I don't even wanna go to this damn thing! God...I miss my Punker...so much...so damn much it hurts! But...I promised to let him go...he deserves so much better. I hope he found...my gifts though...it was the least I could do after being such a monster to him,he's better off without me..." John weakly turned his head to look at the clock,it read 3:50am Wednesday morning and his stomach was still gnawing with hunger. John got up wearily and plodded to his bags to pull out one lone protein bar,choking on a mix of a sob and a laugh as he saw that Punk had apparently snuck one of his stupid Pepsi's in there with a sticky note on the top,

_"John,even though you spilled my diet soda once upon a time...and you never replaced mine, I um...knocked yours over...when we...were in your locker room before we went out to kick DeRio's bitch's ass..."_

John chuckled,"So THAT'S where my Mountain Dew went...lil shit..." He went back to reading,

_"You...made me feel...like the most...important person in the world these past few days,John...even if only to you. I had...fun...for the first time in my life and no one's ever...made me as happy as you do! I'm always used to being dealt abuse...and you...were the first one that didn't...thank you,John! Enjoy your soda! NOW we're even! xo :) xPunkx "_

John choked on his tears again and pulled out his cellphone on impulse to call the hospital,knowing Punk had the tendency to be an insomniac too,"Yeah...can I have room 4076? Oh...yeah...Phillip Brooks...uh-huh...oh...okay...thank you...bye..." John hung up and sobbed harder,figuring Punk had left the hospital already,never even getting the chance to get his number. He was too scared also to ask around for Punk's number and suddenly thought that maybe if he could come up with a legit enough excuse,he could possibly get it from the C.O.O of the WWE,HHH.

John half-heartedly chewed down the protein bar,feeling like he was going to throw up as it just tasted like ash even though it was usually his favorite flavor. He smiled hugely as he drank down the soda though,Pepsi always reminding him of Punk from now on because of his ridiculous yet cute tattoo and it was one of the few things that would make him happy anymore. He carefully stuck the note from Punk in his wallet where a picture usually goes,wishing he had a picture of Punk to keep. He muttered,"Maybe I can sneak one of his new ones...from when all of RAW had their new promo shots taken...I'm sure they are still layin around somewhere..." He had an idea for now though and held up his iPhone to type in the search word,"CM Punk promo shots" into the Google image search engine on his mobile web browser,waiting for it to load.

When the images popped up,John gasped out and nearly fainted with a sudden surge of desire that he had never felt for anyone ever,not even when he was with Wade Barrett. John moaned out softly,"Ohh...Punker...you're so damn...beautiful,baby...god...how...could I...do this? Ohh...I just...wanna...make love to you so bad...I...only want you...damn it...why? So hot and beautiful,baby...my Punker...so damn perfect...wow..."

John whimpered louder as the ache of his arousal grew more harder and painful,unbuttoning his jean shorts to pull everything down to his knees. He closed his eyes as he traced his hard cock with his fingers,imagining that it was Punk's slender tattooed fingers that were touching him and cried out loudly in urgency,"OHH! God...my Punker...baby...please...touch me...damn...I...need ya so bad...please..." He started stroking himself as hard as he could,sobbing out in a mix of agony and ecstasy,"OHH! ...Ph...Phil...baby! I'm...so...sorry! God...baby...please...I...want...only YOU! Ohh...ohh...god...I wanna...touch ya again...mmm...ya felt...so damn good...I love...your cock,baby...only yours..." John bucked up into his hand faster as he remembered how it felt to hold Punk's hot,perfect cock in his hand as Punk screamed out for him in passion.

John shook harder as he felt shockwaves approaching the more he thought about when Punk was jacking off to him in wanton need while whimpering his name in urgency and opened his eyes to look back at his phone that was still showing Punk's new photoshoot, black track pants hanging dangerously low on his hips. John suddenly screamed out loudly in ecstasy as his release finally hit hard seeing that gorgeous sight,"OHH! OHH! Damn! So...hot...baby...god...just wanna...ohh...take ya hard...ya...ohh...god,baby...YA! OHH...Ph..Phil...I'm...I'm...gonna...ohh...Phil...Phil...PHIL!" John came harder than he ever had before,not even with Wade was it this intense as he rode out an orgasm that lasted for almost 2 minutes. Finally spent,John pulled just his boxer briefs back up and curled up into a ball on the bed,sobbing loudly in anguish. John stayed in bed for the rest of the morning and early afternoon,only getting up to use the bathroom,never even attempting to sleep as every time he tried,his dreams were haunted with nothing but bittersweet memories of his time together with his beloved CM Punk.


End file.
